黑料吃瓜

It鈥檚 a night that still haunts Hollie Fraser.

A college student at the time, Hollie was looking forward to a late-night movie with her boyfriend. The date led them to the local Century 16 Theater. The night鈥檚 much-anticipated showing drew a crowd.

The couple found two seats in the packed theater before settling in to watch the midnight premier of the Batman trilogy鈥檚, 鈥淭he Dark Knight Rises.鈥�

It was July 20, 2012, in Aurora, Colorado.

For Hollie something didn鈥檛 feel right. 鈥淲e sat in our seats, and something said 鈥榞et up and move,鈥欌�� she recalled. 鈥淪o, we got up and moved to the other side of the theater. And then everything started happening.鈥�

The 鈥渆verything鈥� was a combination of open gunfire, multiple weapons, smoke bombs and screams. The madness was dictated by a lone gunman who had long plotted the night鈥檚 horrifying event. By the time the chaos ended, 12 people were killed and 70 more injured 鈥� two of the victims having sat in the seats previously occupied by Hollie and her date. The Aurora shooting immediately captured headlines and hearts of the nation.

However, numbers, newscasts and police reports, only told part of the story. That night was also the start of Hollie Fraser鈥檚 story as she charted a course in dealing with life after Aurora.

At the start of her journey 鈥� Hollie packed. She packed all the horror, trauma, fear and memories of the shooting in a place way down deep. Out of sight. Seemingly out of mind.

鈥淚 just went about my life and didn鈥檛 talk about it,鈥� said Hollie. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 get on any medications. I didn鈥檛 do any counseling. I just moved forward and buried it.鈥�

She set out 鈥� receiving a vet tech degree and a job opportunity. A transitional move to New Mexico led to a door opening into biomedical research with animals. Not only did she begin a new job, she also met her future husband, who was serving in the military. It seemed to be a fresh start 鈥� but for the new couple, the past was an uninvited visitor that on occasions showed up unannounced.

鈥淢y husband also had PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder),鈥� Hollie explained, 鈥渟o we kind of balanced each other. I guess you could say he balanced my PTSD and I balanced his. We worked off of that.鈥�

However, one day while on the job, the equilibrium shifted in the wrong direction 鈥� the past immediately flooding the present.

Hollie was conducting research when she experienced her first issue. The incident prompted her to seek counseling, but she soon realized it was not what she expected as the recommended remedy was medications. The ordeal did help her realize that she had not yet found her career and life path.

As much as she enjoyed working with animals, it was the people she was most drawn to. Others saw it too. 鈥淲hen I was working in a clinical setting, they would specifically pull me in to work with the owners who were hard to deal with,鈥� she said. 鈥淥r they would pull me in to the euthanasia rooms to sit with owners as their animals were passing.鈥�

Hollie felt a desire to help others.

Returning to school, she earned her certified nursing assistant license (CNA). The license allowed her to gain experience and explore different avenues. But it was her work with older patients and even hospice care that became near to her heart. 鈥淲orking with the elderly is definitely a calling for me,鈥� said Hollie, who shared how her colleagues often encouraged her to pursue a degree in nursing.

After she and her fianc茅e married, the couple made plans and readied for a new adventure. That led them to Florida.

鈥淚n this time frame, I was not seeing any counseling for the shooting,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 talking about it. I was bottling it up and bottling it up and just moving forward.鈥�

Keeping it bottled was aided by immersing herself in her new work, gaining rehab experience and assisting with dementia and Alzheimer鈥檚 patients. Hollie鈥檚 love for helping others grew to the point that she was ready to finally pursue a nursing degree.

After completing all of the prerequisites for nursing school, Hollie was ready to apply. That鈥檚 when she learned she was pregnant.

Nursing school would have to wait.

For Hollie, what should have been a season of joy and celebration, was instead an overwhelming time. While working hard helped keep her mind focused, it began taking a toll on her pregnancy, leading to health issues that made her fear for her baby.

That鈥檚 when memories from 2012 returned.

鈥淒uring my pregnancy, my PTSD started to go off,鈥� she recalled. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 know what to do. I didn鈥檛 want to project my issues on my baby. Once again, she sought counseling.

鈥淚 had buried it for so long that I needed help,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 was able to relive the entire thing, start to finish and analyze that. It was affecting my life, but I didn鈥檛 realize how much.鈥�

Counseling helped, but not everything was better. The joy of Owen鈥檚 birth on New Year鈥檚 Day offered a respite 鈥� but the happiness was brief.  

鈥淭wo days after my son was born, my husband lost his military disability and told me that we were selling our house and moving to Tennessee. That was very hard to manage and deal with.鈥�

The news was immediately followed by her husband鈥檚 own bout with PTSD and depression. Struggling with colic, their newborn鈥檚 constant crying was more than her husband could manage.

鈥淗e completely checked out of our marriage,鈥� she said. 鈥淭he crying triggered his PTSD, and it became unsafe for him to be around me or the baby because he would revert back to the military mindset.鈥�

The situation forced him to leave their home for hours on end, leaving Hollie to care for baby Owen while also packing their family to move.

Hollie and Owen moved to Tennessee 鈥� alone, joining her parents outside of Greeneville. And though three months later her husband joined them 鈥� the reunion was short lived. After a few months, he signed over full custody of Owen. The divorce left Hollie with bills, credit card debt, vehicle payments and a new baby to raise.

I don鈥檛 know what to do,鈥� Hollie remembered thinking. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know how to do this anymore. I need help.鈥�

The load was heavy and getting heavier.

That鈥檚 when Hollie found Greeneville鈥檚 Hope Center. It was there that others came alongside her, helping carry weight she had borne for so long.

鈥淭hey gave me all the answers I ever needed,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hey helped me clothe my child. I went every week to parenting classes.鈥�

The spiritual component she found through Bible study at the Center changed her outlook. She admits she was reluctant to believe God could somehow change her situation 鈥� but she prayed nonetheless.

Finding the needed solitude to share troubles with God was no easy task for the new single mom.

鈥淚 started praying, and I wasn鈥檛 sure that it was doing anything, she said. 鈥淚 would mostly pray in the shower because that would be my five minutes of alone-time.鈥� On one particular occasion, completed exhausted and upset, Hollie bared her heart to God.

鈥淚 can鈥檛 do this anymore,鈥� prayed Hollie. 鈥淚 give it all to you. Tell me what I鈥檓 supposed to do next. Tell me how I鈥檓 supposed to do it. You don鈥檛 have to tell me right now, but show me and put me on the path you want me to be on.鈥欌��

鈥淚 got goosebumps everywhere, and I started bawling,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 when I knew that God was there.鈥�

Hollie says it was then that she realized she was exactly where she was supposed to be. With The Hope Center providing necessary relief and support, she was ready to take steps that would help her provide for her son.

She applied to 黑料吃瓜, setting her sights on a bachelor鈥檚 degree in nursing.

She recalled visiting the school with Owen in tow for the first time.

鈥淎s soon as we drove on campus, something changed 鈥� and the presence of God was there,鈥� she said. With Owen riding on her lap during the campus tour, Hollie remembered saying to him, 鈥淚 think this is where we are supposed to be.鈥�

With no idea of how she was going to pay for her education, textbooks or even gas to get to class, Hollie said she had faith God was going to make it work.

Determined to do her part in finding opportunities to reach her goal, she applied for scholarships and other funding. What first seemed out of reach, turned into a path forward.

Thanks to an outside funding program, she received $2,000 to be used towards tuition, books or uniforms each semester. She was also able to secure daycare for Owen. She was even selected as the recipient of a $20,000 scholarship, something that might not have happened if not for the encouragement she received from the Hope Center to apply.

Though she recognizes her blessings, things are still far from being easy. The daily stresses of being a single mom are still there. But it鈥檚 her college experience that is helping her manage.

鈥淚 would pull into my parking spot at Carson-Newman, put my car in park, and just start crying,鈥� she said, 鈥渂ecause I knew that鈥檚 where I was supposed to be, and that God was there, and I could feel his presence.

鈥淚n class, they would pray for you, and I could feel God,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 would be so keyed up and so anxious and so stressed out, and they鈥檇 start praying. No matter how tired I was or how many hours I had studied…I knew I could do it.鈥�

It鈥檚 been a long road with many twists and unexpected turns, but Hollie now knows that through it all, nothing was left to chance. 鈥淚t鈥檚 been one heck of a journey,鈥� she said, reflecting on where she has been.

鈥淎fter the shooting, I decided I survived for a reason. I didn鈥檛 know what the reason was until quite recently,鈥� she said. 鈥淪o many people died at the hands of someone else鈥檚 choice. On that day, there were so many people鈥檚 lives that were changed at the hands of someone else鈥檚 life decision. I wasn鈥檛 going to let a decision that someone else made change my life forever.鈥�

Hollie travels lighter these days, having come to peace with both the past and the future. And though she doesn鈥檛 know what her destination will be 鈥� she’s ok with that.

鈥淚t鈥檚 whatever God wants me to do,鈥� she said, now in her second semester. 鈥淚f it鈥檚 working with kids, that鈥檚 fine. If it’s working with the elderly, that’s fine. If it鈥檚 working in a specialty, then ok. But he鈥檒l tell me. He鈥檒l show me where I鈥檓 supposed to be.鈥�